talk to your kids
talk to your kids

Is abuse part of your child's world?

In 2007 Kids Helpline responded to 2,769 contacts from children and young people in relation to child abuse, including physical, sexual and emotional abuse and neglect. The majority were aged between 10 and 14 years, with 14% having engaged in deliberate self-injury to cope with their experiences, and 4% reporting thoughts of suicide.

Children can only help keep themselves safe when they know enough about violence and abuse to recognise when it’s happening to them, to their friends or other children in their school. Children and young people know best about their own situation, so it’s important to ask them what they feel and think.

Talking with children and young people about violence and abuse is not intended to help them prevent abuse happening to them, but to learn about inappropriate and dangerous adult behaviours and give them ideas about how to protect themselves.

What about someone else’s child?

The subject of child abuse is very sensitive and many adults are not sure how to raise the subject with children. With increasing media attention on child abuse the ancient African proverb “It takes a village to raise a child” is becoming more widely appreciated in modern Western cultures. Adults are now becoming more aware of not only their own child’s needs, but also those of other people’s children, and are taking responsibility for all children’s safety.

Symptoms of abuse:

The effects of child abuse are not always easy to identify; people who abuse children often go to great lengths to conceal their behaviour. Many of the common signs and symptoms of abuse can be confused with normal, everyday happenings. Also, children are often threatened not to tell, or told they won’t be believed or will be blamed or punished.

Symptoms can include:

  • Bruises or welts
  • Abrasions or skin cuts
  • Fractured bones that are unlikely to have occurred accidentally
  • Fear of one or both parents, or not wanting to go home
  • Wearing long-sleeved clothes or pants all the time, even in summer
  • Behaviour or statements that indicate low self-esteem
  • Overly compliant or passive behaviour
  • Aggressive or demanding behaviour
  • Anxious behaviour
  • Clinging to a caregiver more than usual
  • Difficulties relating and interacting with adults and peers
  • Withdrawal or solitary play
  • Self-harm, e.g. cutting their own arms or legs
  • Eating problems like anorexia nervosa or bulimia
  • Detachment or a “don’t care” attitude
  • Sexualised behaviour prior to puberty

What to do next:

If you have reason to suspect that a child or young person you know is being abused or neglected it’s important to talk to them about your concerns. Let them know you’ve noticed certain things and tell them what those things are. Let them know that you’re concerned for their safety and are wondering if someone is hurting them in some way.

The next step is up to the child. If they admit to being mistreated, let them know that it’s never okay for anyone to hurt them in any way, and that you want to help them stop the abuse. Talk with them about the options available to help keep them safe, including phoning the relevant state child protection services or Kids Helpline (see below). You may also offer to contact the state child protection service on their behalf. Kids Helpline counsellors can also assist the child to tell their story to child protection services by phone conferencing.

If the child isn’t ready to talk about their experiences, and doesn’t want child protection services contacted, it can be a difficult situation for you as the adult, particularly if you have strong grounds for your suspicion. Let the child know their safety is the most important thing in the world and that you’re there for them when they’re ready to talk.

You can give them the number of Kids Helpline and encourage them to use the phone or Internet to talk to a counselor about what’s going on in their life. If you believe the danger to the child is so urgent and serious that you can’t wait for the child to agree to making a notification, you should immediately notify either the police or the state child protection service. Always let the child know what you’re going to do and why you feel it is necessary.

Statutory Child Protection Services:

NSW and ACT
Department of Community Services: (132 111)

QLD
Department of Child Safety: (07 3235 9999)
Outside Brisbane: (1800 177 135)

VIC
Department of Human Services: (131 278)

SA
Crisis Care: (131 478)

TAS
Department of Health & Human Services: (1300 737 639)

WA
Crisis Care: (08 9223 1111)
Outside of Perth: (1800 199 008)

NT
Department of Health & Community Services: (1800 700 250)