bringing your worlds closer together
No matter how comfortable or confident you are in everyday conversations with other adults, a conversation with a child or young person can be quite a different matter. Kids often use a slower pace and unique vocabulary, and can “clam up” quite easily if they don’t feel particularly comfortable. However, by making a few simple changes to your approach and conversational style, keeping in mind a few simple tips with a few simple tips, talking to a child can become quite easy, and very rewarding. Keep these tips in mind when it comes to starting and encouraging a positive conversation.
Tip 1: Ask their opinion
A great way to start a conversation with a child is, quite simply, to ask their opinion. Speak respectfully, and ask for their thoughts or feelings on a particular issue. It could be something that impacts them directly, something affecting your family unit, or a general question about their school or social life. Ask how they genuinely feel or think about certain issues or events – and give them plenty of time and space to offer their opinion. Take care to absorb what they say, offer a response that shows you were listening, and try to bring the topic up again in a subsequent conversation to show they made an impression on you.
Tip 2: Offer reassurance
Particularly at the beginning of conversations, kids will often use lots of pauses, “ums” and “ahs” while they gather their thoughts. Encourage them to continue talking by offering supportive responses such as “yeah”, “yep” and “okay”, which show you’re listening. These responses are non-judgemental and respectful of the child or young person’s own pace, leaving space and time for them to find the words to describe what’s happening to them.
Tip 3: Give them time
It can take a while for a young person to get to the point and actually explain what’s bothering them, and sometimes even longer for you as a parent to grasp the meaning and dimensions of your child’s troubles. When given the opportunity and time, children and young people are competent at communicating their troubles. So be sure to give them plenty of time and “breathing space” to respond to your questions – and don’t be disheartened if they don’t immediately open up. Often they just need to feel comfortable and relaxed enough to talk to you.
Tip 4: Listen, rather than offer advice
Listening for how a young person wants to be heard is an important skill, and is helped by matching their pace and tone, their intensity or casualness, and by repeating some of the words they use. Resist the temptation to immediately offer advice, or to speed up the interaction by filling in gaps and pauses. Don’t be afraid of silence. As a general rule, try to listen twice as much as you speak.
Tip 5: Take them seriously
Young people have different ways of indicating the size of their problems or distress. Try not to agree or disagree directly with a child’s assessment of an issue. Often, adults respond with phrases like: “It can’t be all that bad” or “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine”, unintentionally minimising the problem. Listen to what they have to say, and show respect for their own interpretation of their situation.
Summary
Remember to:
- Ask their opinion: speak respectfully, and ask for their thoughts or feelings on a particular issue.
- Offer reassurance, with supportive responses such as “yeah”, “yep” and “okay” to show you’re listening.
- Give them time and breathing space to respond to your questions – and don’t be disheartened if they don’t immediately open up.
- Listen, rather than offer advice: try to listen twice as much as you speak.
- Take them seriously: listen to what they have to say, and show respect for their own interpretation of their situation.