how to help

Helping your children go through a difficult time can often be a challenging experience for all. Here are some simple tips for how to best help your child or young teenager, by giving them the skills they need to deal with issues independently.

Tip 1: There’s no such thing as a perfect parent

Have self-empathy. Forgive yourself if you don’t do what you aim to 100% of the time. Instead, aim for 80% of the time. As long as you explain your limits to your child, and never blame them when you reach those limits, you’ll go a long way to achieving healthy, open relationship.

Tip 2: Help children determine their own solutions

When talking to your child, it’s extremely important to listen; not for a problem, but for how the young person wants to be helped or supported. The trouble (for example, being in strife at school) may be different to their reason for seeking help (for example, not knowing what to do or needing some advice). Also, it could help to suggest your child contacts the Kids Help Line directly if they’re finding it difficult to talk to you. This will make them feel in control, and that they have a reliable and private option for dealing with their problems. Of course, remind them that you’re still available to talk through any issues that are bothering them, and that the Kids Help Line isn’t their only option.

Tip 3: Get support

Parenting can be tough and trying – even when there are two of you doing it together. Having mixed feelings is normal. Don’t be fearful of seeking parenting information or personal support. Parenting is a big responsibility and you don’t need to do it all on your own. Accept practical help if it’s offered – especially if it’s in the shape of offers to baby-sit or do some shopping for you. If you have a parenting partner, work together to create time out just for you.

Tip 4: Trust yourself

With each new stage of a child’s development, we might think we don’t know how to respond, but the chances are that you’ll still know what to do. If you’re in doubt, there’s lots of detailed material available on understanding children – so get on the Internet or visit your local library and read as much as you can. If your child has particularly worrying behaviour, talk to your child’s teacher or GP, or ring your local parent counselling service to see if they have any ideas or strategies.

Tip 5: Use technology

Today, online and mobile technology forms a major part of how children communicate. Attempt to “bridge the gap” with your child or teenager by using similar methods of communication – for example, sending them an SMS to confirm a dinner arrangement or find out when they’ll be home.

Tip 6: Value yourself

Never forget how important parenting is and the investment you’re making with all the effort you are putting in – even if you don’t see the rewards for a while. If you can afford it, get someone you trust to mind your child, while you reward yourself with a massage, a fishing trip, a pedicure – or whatever relaxes you.

Tip 7: Plan ahead

Do plenty of research, and prepare for your discussions with your child so you can respond, rather than react, in a crisis or behavioural situation.

Don’t forget, if you have any questions at all, you can turn to the Kids Help Line Parent line services : 1800 55 1800.

Parentline QLD & NT – 1300 30 1300
Parentline VIC – 13 22 89
Parent Helpline SA – 1300 364 100
Parent Line NSW – 13 20 55
Parent Help Centre WA – (08) 62791200 or 1800 654 432
ParentLine ACT – (02) 6287 3833 (for the cost of a local call)
NetAlert Protecting Australian Families Online – 1800 880 176